Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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