So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
