Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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