Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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