Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Drake has all the answers
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
