Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
