please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
