Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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