Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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