he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
