Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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