I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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