yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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