at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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