We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
