i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
