i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
