It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
