What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
