She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
one might say we're banned from that church
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
