About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
