dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
A bitchslap is in order.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
