whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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