no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
