I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
