And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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