Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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