My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
