it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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