why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
