Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
