I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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