I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
sarcasm needs its own font
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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