my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am mentally ready for anal.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
