Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
