A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
