I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
