I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
