No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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