Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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