How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
