if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
