We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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