he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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