im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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