I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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