umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You've changed since you got that strap on
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
