My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
