Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
