im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
