i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
