She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
